There is nothing more real than pain.

We’re living in a world of hypocrisy.

I’m so ashamed, I’m so embarrassed, I have no place to go. So home less, so life less, no hope, no need, no pain. Lost in oblivion.

 You can live with a dead brain but you can’t live without a dead heart so why even listen.

Kaali ghata jo chai hai, uff kayamat aii ha!

Sometimes miracles work far better than mere references. You think I’m a dreamer? No, I’m better than that, I’m a believer and a strong one too. Why else would I let you go when I want you so badly!

Jhootey rishtey nibhatey raho, muskuratey raho, muskuratey raho!

What could be more horrible than being stuck in a quicksand? When half of your body is under, the other half crying out for help. You look around, you panic. Hoping someone will come save your dying, sinking body. Hands waving frantically, screaming out in despair, giving up and then fighting back again. You try and try. But the silence of the overpowering night even dampens your screams. That horrible sinking feeling of foreboding, clutching onto you, stifling you. Deja vu?

The feeling seems familiar? Oh, for sure, it is! That’s what you and every single one of you go through everyday. Thta’s life!! 

Trapped and miserable most of the time, you are supposed to thank God, for giving us life, hmm exactly why?!

When it gets dark and when it gets lonely and when you think of me and when I think of you and when you are quiet and when I can’t think of anything to say and when the silence starts to speak out loud, so loud that our ears hurt, it’s then that we’ll fly. You come half way and I’ll come half way and that’s when we’ll call it love. Amongst busiest of places, you run to me and in the most loneliest of places, I’ll wait for you and that’s when we’ll call it love. 

Just remember, when there is an ‘ego’, there is an ‘alter ego’ as well. If God is around, then there is a demon too. There are always two sides to a story. If you think you are right, then you must also understand that the same right makes you a wrong too.
And so if you think you will live a nice little perfect life then it’s going to be as imperfect and as crazy as it can be. Don’t waste your time looking for the right person, the more right he/she is, the more wrong he/she will be. Just go with the flow, close your eyes, eat your soup and smell it later.

You hide, while they seek you out. You play your little hopscotch games, thinking no one can see you. You ride and ride, you go round and round, hoping to disappear in the air, praying that you’ll be safe from their judging cruel eyes. You dance and dance, you laugh and laugh, hoping and praying that they will one day understand you. You try living in your frail little world, hoping their piercing eyes won’t burst it out. You peek around from time to time, wishing that they would ever let you live in  peace. You cry and cry, hoping that they would for once believe in your tears. You close your eyes again and again, trying to make them all disappear. You sigh all over again, regretting every single day. You sit still and very still, waiting for all of this to be over. You keep staring at your empty hands, with despair, in silence, you keep hoping against all odds, you keep praying. Tears streaming your face, you keep your silence, you stay put, a part of you still hoping, the other just dying away. Half of you sweating in the damp of the cold, the other part melting away in their scorching hatred. All gone wrong, all gone astray, you think again and again, you frown again and again, you cry again and again. Hiccups and tears choking you , you realize again and again that you really are playing with fire, aren’t you?!

They say, I’ve lost you but there is something inside of me that keeps telling me that I’ll get you back. I want to believe in myself but I’m not too sure. Can’t trust the good for it’s too good to be true. Don’t want to listen to the bad for I certainly don’t deserve that. I’m afraid. I’m lost. Help me, I’m waiting for you. I know you’re lost too. I know you’re dellusional and I understand why but I expect sanity from you. I know you have it somewhere. Save us before it’s too late. Before you lose me and I lose you. I’m paralysed. I can’t, I musn’t. You’re blindsighted, but you can still try, make an attempt, I’m right beside you, I’ll cheer for you, I’ll guide you. Let’s be a team, let’s work through. Don’t let your evil side takeover. You’re worth so much more than what you are. I know and you know and they know too.

There is no reason. It’s such a joke. There really isn’t a reason. For all the efforts, for all the troubles, for all the pain you go through, each second of the day, there really isn’t any reason. None at all!

With sharp peircing eyes, they stared at me. With envy in their hearts, they aimed at me, stabbing and poking with all their strength. 

Again and again.

The jabbed at me, they scratched at my skin. Not thinking why, not caring for how long. They continued with their silent wars, making me weaker, causing me hurt. They snatched away my little heaven, so delicately woven in a net of my shy hopes and simple dreams. Those wild beasts, they ate up everything, stole everything that wasn’t theirs, without blinking, without thinking, without even asking.

 It’s winter all over again. The mystical magic of the cold is returning. The steaming kettle. The smoking chimmneys. The long walks. The silent talks. The cold streets. The stamping of unknown feet. The serenity of silence. The crying crow. The thick enveloping fog. The feeling of abandonment. The soft cries in a middle of a night. The heavy sighs. The longing for a stranger. Stinging tears. The sense of loss. The stiff treas. The dying leaves. The long dark nights. The sinking heart. The loud certainty of crickets in the nearby garden. The empty roads. The barking of the neighborhood dog. The dullness of the sun. The cold heavy wind. The dying of a companionship. The warmth of a crisp cigarette. The empty old chair. The not-so bright mornings. My winter is back.

Slowly and sadly, the poor child opened her tear filled eyes hoping that the madness of her dreams would end, only to find herself in a land of strangeness. Everything was out of place. Her heaven had blown up, shattering into a million pieces. Taking away all her peace and sanity along with it like a massive rolling avalanche. Leaving behind nothing. Only debris of good old times. Debris and memories that mocked at her rather than giving her comfort. Slowly and tiredly she looked around, hoping to find her loved ones. But all in vain. She knew they weren’t going to help her. This was her battle alone. No one could support her, cheer for her, giver her advice. She was all alone.